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Interview with the Experts
|"A Sludge Report"|
Posted by shadow on Mar-18-99 at 01:03 AM (EST)
LAST EDITED ON Mar-18-99 AT 01:10 AM (EST)
Interview With the Experts
Sludge Report Staff Writer
Washington, DC - March 18, 1999: In pursuit of truth in the face of considerable odds, your reporter, shadow, has lined-up a cast of experts to review the JonBenet Ramsey murder case. These experts include such authorities as Ressler, Schiller, Hoffman, and McKinley. The unedited tape of this interview is provided below:
Shadow: As a charter member of the JBR Justice Watch Forum, I have to tell you that there are a lot of us who just don't believe this case will ever be solved. Can you shed some light on the case Mr. Ressler?
Ressler: Um, ah, um, well... there are indications that this crime wasn't committed by people outside the home. As a highly respected ex-FBI profiler, I'm, uh, ah, working for the defense on a lot of other murder cases. And while I might be called as a witness for the Ramsey defense later, I must say, right now, um, ah, the details in this case look highly suspicious.
Schiller: Shadow, if you read my book, available on Amazon.Com and at almost all regular book stores, you know that it may be that John Ramsey didn't know what happened. Maybe Patsy did it. Maybe Burke. Maybe even John. But, maybe an intruder. I've got a kidney stone that's killing me.
Hoffman: Give me a break, Ressler and Schiller! Patsy flew into a rage and killed JBR. John, foolishly, agreed to help Patsy help stage the whole kidnapping scenario. This is, in fact, the only thing that makes sense and I've interviewed more than 150 people in Boulder who support this logic.
Shadow: Mr. Hoffman - who are these people you interviewed?
Hoffman: Get serious, shadow! I'm not going to tell you my sources.
McKinley: You people are all crazy! Do any of you have a clue?
Shadow: Now, now, Carrol, don't get hostile.
McKinley: I love you and Panico, shadow, but these people are all nut cases. They have their own agenda, which is simply to make a buck on this case.
Ressler: I'm highly insulted by that remark, Ms. McKinley. Um, ah, I'm making big bucks on several other cases as a witness, ah, defense consultant. Um, ah, my opinions on this case are free, ah, ah, right now.
Schiller: I agree... I've already written my book. It's on Amazon.Com and at book stores all over the country. Go buy it, if you want my opinion on this case.
Hoffman: What can I say? My book on this case will be out soon. You, shadow, and Carrol are clueless. This case is about justice for JonBenet Ramsey which has to do with book sales, and talking heads on TV.
McKinley: I'm out of here!
Shadow: Me too!
|All "Sludge Reports" are "Parody"|
|All "Sludge Reports" are "Parody" and are written by "Shadow" and are the express property of "Shadow" and donated and used on the ACandyRose Website with express permission of "Shadow" as part of the archived history of the Internet Subculture surrounding the JonBenet Ramsey murder Investigation. The parody opinion expressed in the "Sludge Reports" is not necessarily the opinion of the webmaster of "ACandyRose" and have not been included in the archive history by "Shadow" or "ACandyRose" to discredit any Internet poster or any person in real life whose name may sound familiar when referenced within the parody reports. The "Sludge Reports" can not be copied or used from the ACandyRose website without the express permission of "Shadow."|
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