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[Sludge Reports by Shadow] Shadow's
Sludge Reports
Justice Watch (JW) 1999
In Review (For Starry)

Justice Watch (JW) 1999 In Review (For Starry)
By Shadow
Entertainment Section - Sludge Report
(Editor's Note: As with the tabs and mainstream media in the U.S., our "crack reporter," shadow, does not like to be hampered in his reporting with dates and facts - he says, "my Year-In-Review is close enough for tab and mainstream media work.")

Washington, DC - Dec. 9, 1999: The investigation, by the Boulder Police Department (BPD), into the tragic death of six year old JonBenet Ramsey (JBR) began on December 26, 1996. There are many web sites that provide an in-depth chronology of events from that tragic day until today - this Sludge Report is, basically, for the JW Forum family, and is a synopsis of the JBR case events of 1999 taken from of the pages of the forum.

I must begin with an event that I previously reported that took place in early 1998. John and Patsy Ramsey produced a made for TV special which featured Patsy in her blue Miss West Virginia beauty contest bathing suit singing "Please Believe Me" with John on bongos. While this was a huge hit on A&E, CNN, and Fox network's "World's Scariest Videos," it drew lots of fire from posters on the JW Forum such as Seashell, Greenleaf, Holly, Chris, Harley, Watching you, szundi, Shamrockpati, Linda, Nikki, jerryz, Anderson, etc. Gemini was, of course, "non-committal…"

Because of this mixed response, the Ramsey's made for TV special presented in early 1999 featured Patsy, dressed in white, singing "Jesus Loves Me," while John stood in the background reading the Bible. This event was deemed "tasteful" by Msracoon, darby, reporter, 1000Sparks, fiddler, and Janusk. Gemini mused…

Also, in early January 1999, the JBR case Grand Jury (GJ), which began meeting in May 1998, reconvened. It was reported by the Globe that they had been on a two month, all expenses paid vacation to Cancun, Mexico - Boulder DA, Alex Hunter, cited the GJ privacy rule in refusing to tell the media who paid for this vacation, or if it even took place. Shortly thereafter, Boulder County approved $79,723 to pay outstanding expenses and to continue the on-going investigation. The County reported that the cost of the JBR investigation had passed the $1.5 million mark. January also saw Vassar College linguist, Donald Foster, meet with the Boulder DA's Office to discuss his analysis of the ransom note and his possible presentation of this analysis to the GJ. Someone from the DA's Office subsequently leaked to the Tabs that Foster was a "nut-case" and would never testify before the GJ. Just when we thought this case couldn't get any stranger, in late January, Alex Hunter asked for the public's help in finding a "Santa Bear." Hunter, the Ramsey family, the Ramsey Spin Team (RTS), the Ramsey "Dream Team" of volunteer investigators, Lou Smit, and John Douglas were all sure that this Bear held the answer to who killed JBR.

In February, Hunter announced that the Santa Bear had been found. Questioned at length by the BPD, FBI, and DA's Office, this Bear never said a word. BJ and mame were the only reporters to notice that the Santa Bear didn't have a mouth. The Colorado Bureau of Investigation (CBI) announced that it had spent more than 3,000 hours on the JBR investigation - "single largest workload ever." The RST was quick to point-out to the media that the "Dream Team" volunteer investigators (who they refused to name) had already spent 1,989,673 hours looking for the killer. Steve Thomas "inked" (that's reporter words) a six-figure book deal. February excitement continued with the publication of Schiller's Perfect Murder, Perfect Town and his appearance on every TV talk show in the "free world," plus China, Cuba and Iraq.

March saw five GJ alternates dismissed, followed by a flurry of anticipation of a GJ decision on the JW Forum - BobC allowed as how "it's all over." Questioned by Frankg, fly, A.K., matt, Voyager, Starling, Slinky, lecarl, and China, BobC vowed to leave the forum forever. 250 people besieged Schiller and Charlie Brennan (his "researcher") for their autographs at the Boulder Public Library. Linda Arndt, who had already sued the city, resigned. Hunter told a conference in Connecticut "things went wrong" in the JBR case - but he was "still optimistic." Because Hunter was still "optimistic," Boulder County coughed-up another $62,001, pushing cost-to-date to $1.7 million.

In early April, Hunter asked for and got a six-month extension for the JBR case GJ. Dr. Lee met again with the BPD and prosecutors. He then appeared on 15 different TV talk shows in two days - unfortunately, no one was ever able to understand what he said.

JW Forum posters were sure that a major break had taken place in May when Burke Ramsey testified before the GJ and his lawyer was given the 911 tape. Endless hours of speculation on the forum ended in another "dry-hole" (that's Texas talk). The Star published its infamous "BR did it" article; Hunter immediately said "Burke is not a suspect;" the Star wrote a retraction of its BR article that was easy to find with a magnifying glass on the next to last page of its next issue. Lou Smit and John Douglas also testified before the GJ in May. Immediately after Smit's testimony, fire trucks and ambulances rushed to the Boulder Court House. The Globe reported that the GJ had been traumatized by Smit and Douglas and were expected to undergo three months of shock treatment at the Boulder Crisis Center. Boulder County, like a drunk gambler in Las Vegas, forked over another $56,999.

June saw Thomas Colfax released from jail. He immediately led the Boulder "One-Man March" in protest of Alex Hunter's incompetence. His march ended when he accidentally set fire to his homemade protest sign.

In July, Holly, Panico, Denver, and mame "staked-out" the Boulder Court House. MSNBC reporter, Dan Abrams, immediately tried to "put-the-make-on-them" (they were appalled?). According to these JW reporters and Linda, the BPD established parking assignments for the news media just in case an announcement was ever made by the GJ (who hadn't met since May 25th). Shortly after the assignments were disclosed, the CNN and MSNBC teams were arrested by the BPD for rioting in front of the Boulder Court House over who had the better parking slots.

In August, Denver attorney Scott Robinson, who admitted that he had paid close attention to the Ramsey investigation for the last two-and-a-half years, said "unknown DNA samples, found beneath the 6-year-old's fingernails and in her underwear, are a relatively powerful deterrent to prosecution." Many JW Forum posters, including Cher, Questioner, Country Girl, mee too, Cassandra, and Dr.Tee wondered why no one else had "paid close attention" to this case for the last two-and-a-half years - the BPD, Beckner, Hunter, Kane, etc… they asked where Robinson was when we needed him two years ago to help these guys pay close attention to this case? Gemini pondered…

Linda Arndt appeared on Good Morning America in September. At about the same time, it was announced that filming of the two part, four hour made for TV movie, PMPT, would begin in Boulder in November. The show, to be shown after the first of the year, is expected by critics to be a leading contender for best TV fiction for the year 2000. After three months of shock treatment, the JBR case GJ was back in session, and heard the testimony of JAR and Melinda.

In early October, Alex Hunter told a news conference that no one was going to be indicted by the JBR case GJ that met (off-and-on) for over a year, suffered through the testimony of Smit and Douglas, and cost the County over $1.8 million. "I have an aching heart about where we are with this case but by no means do I feel a sense of failure ... We will continue to follow the evidence. We feel there is no reason to quit." Later in the month, Colorado Governor, Bill Owens, held a news conference to announce that there will be no special prosecutor in the JBR case. However, in question and answers with the media Owens advised John and Patsy Ramsey to "quit hiding behind their attorneys and PR firms, come back to Boulder and help find the killer of the little girl, no matter where that leads." In keeping with the requirement that all JBR case celebrities appear on TV talk shows (e.g., our own MrsBrady appeared on Leeza) Owens also took a brief circuit tour - his most interesting comment concerned "new evidence." This triggered a short debate on the forum that included Panico, Baybb, Ruthee, docg, starry, Rose and Edie Pratt. Our beloved Attila the Hun (aka Lake) was in excellent form, savaging the Governor and the new evidence. Gemini wondered… A & E immediately presented a new and improved Ramsey Crockumentary - much the same as aired in July 1999, but with an ending that questioned Governor Owens involvement in the case.

November was an active month for the Ramseys. They appeared on WSMV-TV in Tennessee; WGNX Channel 46 in Atlanta; and Nightline. Each of these shows ended, of course, with the "we are gonna find that killer" routine that we've all come to love! They also said they hope the investigation into their 6-year-old daughter's murder continues, and that publication of their forthcoming book The Death of Innocence by Nashville-based Thomas Nelson Publishers helps fuel it. John Douglas appeared on MSNBC and reiterated all the reasons why the parents didn't do it, including the overkill aspects, thinks that the garrote was used, the paint brush was then used to assault and then the scream was heard "through the vent." He also said that parents don't usually "find" kids they've killed. Some noted FBI "profilers" disagreed with Douglas, but were largely ignored by the mainstream media whose attention span had been reached.

In late November, valuable BPD resources were diverted from the JBR case to investigate a serious "barking dog incident" - our own mame's lawyers, Haddon & Co., pointed-out to the media that the BPD was obviously "rushing to judgement" on mame's dog, Sadie, without considering other possibilities. DA Alex Hunter responded that Sadie is just "under-the-umbrella-of-suspicion." Mame gave the BPD the names of all the dogs in Boulder - and demanded that each and everyone be investigated! She demanded blood, DNA and barking tests for these dogs. LurkerXIV reported that mame is planning a BARKUMENTARY to prove Sadie's innocence. She is currently in negotiations with Mike Tracey, CNN, and A&E. Status to be reported on a mame-plasket-ToppCatt "special" report in January. Also, in late November, attorney Lin Wood (of Richard Jewell fame) filed a libel lawsuit for Burke Ramsey against the Star tabloid. He then immediately appeared on the Larry King Comedy Hour and Good Moaning America.

Wood continued his TV talk show efforts in December, and set a pace to easily break Schiller's record of 1,211 appearances in ten days. For the JBR case, the year of 1999 is pretty much ending like 1997 and 1998 - much chest-beating about this case not being over by all sides (the BPD, DA's Office, Governor, Ramseys, Pro- and Anti-Rams, etc.), people still getting their 15 minutes of fame on TV talk shows, people still dealing with rumors, theories and opinions, and no indictment of the person(s) responsible for the death of JBR in sight.

This reporter believes we need to look at the Big Picture - the JBR case has taken-on a life of its own… it has become a major factor in keeping the U.S. economy "stimulated." Lawyers, PR people, private investigators, reporters for the Tabs and hundreds of Talking Heads are experiencing full-employment. Books are being written. Web sites created. If this case is solved, it will be a terrible blow to the economy.

However, let's hope we have a Y2K disaster for someone very soon!!

All "Sludge Reports" are "Parody"
All "Sludge Reports" are "Parody" and are written by "Shadow" and are the express property of "Shadow" and donated and used on the ACandyRose Website with express permission of "Shadow" as part of the archived history of the Internet Subculture surrounding the JonBenet Ramsey murder Investigation. The parody opinion expressed in the "Sludge Reports" is not necessarily the opinion of the webmaster of "ACandyRose" and have not been included in the archive history by "Shadow" or "ACandyRose" to discredit any Internet poster or any person in real life whose name may sound familiar when referenced within the parody reports. The "Sludge Reports" can not be copied or used from the ACandyRose website without the express permission of "Shadow."


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