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[Sludge Reports by Shadow] Shadow's
Sludge Reports
What's Happening
in Private Investigation

What's Happening in Private Investigation
of Goldman/Simpson/JonBenet Murders
By shadow
Sludge Report Staff Writer
Washington, DC - July 11, 1998: Given the overwhelming interest in the status of the Ramsey's ongoing investigation into the murder of their daughter, JonBenet, your ever diligent reporter tracked-down Tony "Trash" Terrell for an exclusive interview. Terrell is a noted private-eye who has worked for many of the tabloids, OJ Simpson, Ken Starr, and the Ramseys. I found Tony laid-up at Georgetown Hospital in Washington, DC. Below is our taped (with his permission) conversation.

Shadow: You don't look too good, Trash. What happened?

Trash: I was going through Monica Lewinsky's trash back of the Watergate complex for Ken Starr when three homeless people attacked me for infringing on their territory.

S: Jesus, two black eyes, head wrapped, left ear bitten-off… I thought you were a black belt?

T: Yeah… never had anything like this happen when I was going through trash for the Globe and Sun. I was leaning over in the trash bin when this guy hit me with a two-by-four. Then, all three jumped me. When I fought back, they sicked their pit bull on me.

S: Wow! Well, what I'm here for is some inside info on the Ramsey's investigation into their daughter's murder. I've been told you are working this case. T: I was, but not anymore. I'd been looking into the Colombian Connection for OJ when he got low on money. He called the Ramsey's lawyers and they worked a deal to split expenses for me to look for a Small Colombian Faction that could be responsible for all the murders.

S: Isn't that a stretch, Trash?

T: Hey, you pay's your money, I provide the service.

S: You said, "not anymore."

T: Yeah, well… I found this small Colombian, 'bout 5'2''. The Ramseys got really excited, but OJ said, "you got to be kidding, this guy couldn't handle Nichole much less Ron Goldman!" I got pissed and asked OJ what he expected for $40 an hour, and he fired me on the spot.

S: Ingrate! What about the Ramseys?

T: Things looked pretty good with the little Colombian until the lawyers started pushing for evidence that he was also a sick puppy. Try as I might, I couldn't get any sick puppy stuff on the guy. The lawyers were giving me a lot of grief when Ken Starr came along, so I quit.

S: So? What's the status of the Ramsey's private investigation? Do you know?

T: My understanding is that the little Colombian still looks pretty good for the small foreign faction part, but they hired jameson to continue work on the sick puppy angle.

S: Thanks for the info, Trash. Hope you get well soon.

T: Yeah… when I do, I'm going back to work for the Tabs. Just too much grief working for Starr, OJ and the Ramseys.

All "Sludge Reports" are "Parody"
All "Sludge Reports" are "Parody" and are written by "Shadow" and are the express property of "Shadow" and donated and used on the ACandyRose Website with express permission of "Shadow" as part of the archived history of the Internet Subculture surrounding the JonBenet Ramsey murder Investigation. The parody opinion expressed in the "Sludge Reports" is not necessarily the opinion of the webmaster of "ACandyRose" and have not been included in the archive history by "Shadow" or "ACandyRose" to discredit any Internet poster or any person in real life whose name may sound familiar when referenced within the parody reports. The "Sludge Reports" can not be copied or used from the ACandyRose website without the express permission of "Shadow."


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