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Kane's Dream Team?
|Kane’s Dream Team?|
Sludge Report Staff Writer
Washington, DC – September 26, 1999: The “Powers-That-Be” at the Sludge Report have informed shadow that unless his single digit readership ratings improve drastically, he will be transferred from his role as JBR case investigative reporter to coverage of little league soccer. While a serious journalist like shadow is appalled at having to turn to the Tabloids for salvation, as Johnie Cochran once said, “desperate times require desperate actions.” I have, therefore, resorted to questionable tactics in getting excerpts from the following soon to be published articles in the Tabs.
NATIONAL INTRUDER 10/10
HOLLY, GREENLEAF, AND GINJA ADDED TO KANE TEAM
The INTRUDER has learned that noted JW Forum sleuths, Holly, Greenleaf and Ginja have been called upon by Special Prosecutor, Michael Kane, to provide much needed “new ideas” to the Boulder GJ hearings. This 11th hour move by the JBR prosecution team is seen by “insiders” as a clear indication that the GJ has not made a decision on whether to indict or not.
Inside sources say that Kane’s attention was first drawn to the JW Forum case experts by Greenleaf’s stunning HIV theory. “Could it be that JonBenet was generating an increasing number of symptoms, and, it was just a matter of time before others would discover the truth?” Greenleaf asked. Greenleaf’s bold new thinking concerning the ransom note, the trash can noise, and the reason for JBR’s arms above her head also got Kane’s undivided attention.
The INTRUDER has been told that Holly was selected because of her revelations concerning both the infamous duck tape and the ransom note. “Get a roll of standard duct tape -- or even better, Ramsey type duct tape,” said Holly. “Use the freshest duct tape possible. Tear off a 4-6 inch strip. Tape your own mouth shut and see how ‘effective’ the tape is when used to gag.” She went on to say, “If you conclude the tape is an ineffective choice to gag someone, then maybe you'll agree that the tape was pure staging. No serious kidnapper would use a short strip of duct tape. They'd have to wind it around the head several times. It didn't happen that way. Somebody goofed.” Holly’s ransom note theories, which included writing the note with her toes, also caught the attention of Prosecutor Kane.
Ginja’s legal expertise, combined with her in-depth knowledge of the JBR case, has been cited as the reason for her being added to the team. Some say she got Kane’s eye with this statement concerning defense attorneys: “…about those lawyers. There's always a way to get around the truth, and the defense attorneys know them all. However, they can't knowingly walk into a courtroom and state their client is not guilty if the client has told them they are; so in that respect, many attorneys will avoid asking (or having their clients tell them) whether or not the client is guilty. If, for example, the attorney does know, he'll never put his client on the stand. He might avoid putting the client on the spot and asking him if he killed or whatever, but there's no way the prosecutor would avoid the same question; and if the client responded, NO, the attorney couldn't 'let it go'...that's one way to avoid the obvious. Another way around the ‘truth’ is to divert the trial and throw in all kinds of red herrings or diversions. For example, how many rape or abuse trials turn the victim into the culprit? How many times has the race card been used to divert attention? And in the Simpson trial, the dream team never focused on ‘who killed Ron and Nicole,’ but rather, went after the LAPD for contaminating and planting evidence (as well as throwing in the race card for good luck).” It is rumored that one of Ginja’s tasks will be to keep tabs on what Haddon, Bynum, Hunter and the RST are up to.
Holly, Greenleaf and Ginja will be supported by more than 25 other JW Forum JBR case experts, including watching you, Panico, PegB, janab, LurkerXIV, fly, jerryz, Seashell, Starry, Morgan, listner, fiddler, BobC, Slinky, debd, darby, Linda, szundi, Harley, PegB, Maxwell, lecarl, Starling, edie Pratt, Ev, Cassandra, Yellow Bird and at least five more to be named later. These experts will be transported to Boulder to communicate with the “Kane Dream Team” whenever they come-up with fresh new ideas.
China, Chris and MrsBrady were also leading canidates for the team, but Kane decided they were too important in their current roles in keeping the JBR case before the public.
Shadow, a reporter for the Sludge Report who is considered crazier than Hunter Thompson, begged to be part of the team. Rumor is that he was eliminated by Kane for suggesting that one Ramsey relative be eliminated as a suspect. “I tried the duck tape test on my 5 and a-half year old granddaughter,” he said. “She bit my hand, knocked-off my glasses, kicked me in the shin and ran screaming to her daddy. It's pretty obvious that grandpa's can't get the duck tape job done. I believe we can eliminate GPP as a viable suspect.”
The investigation into the death of the 6 year old JonBenet….
NATIONAL MISLEADER 10/10
DARNAY HOFFMAN TO RUN FOR COLORADO GOVERNOR
After running into legal problems in his previously announced decision to run for the District Attorney position in Boulder, Colorado, Mr. Darnay Hoffman (a well-know New York lawyer and severe critic of current Boulder DA, Alex Hunter) has announced his intention to run for Governor of Colorado.
“The way Alex Hunter is running the JBR case,” said Hoffman, “it will still be unsolved by the time I become Governor. At that time, I will go through Boulder law enforcement like Sherman went through Georgia. Not only will the killer of JonBenet Ramsey be in prison shortly after I’m sworn-in, but all those obstructing justice in this case will also.”
The body of 6 year old JonBenet Ramsey was found in the basement of her parents' $1.3 million, Boulder, Colo., home on Dec. 26, 1996. Over the past three years….
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